My Journey
I’ve been learning to flex my intuition
To incubate (incubare, incubo)
And listen for what I’m trying to say.
The depths of the unconscious are elegant and ravaged,
Full of lightning strikes and movie stills.
Further in, further up.
I wish I could experience myself
without old echoes in my head
Feel the warmth of presence
and see what all the fuss is about
See if the hype is real and my value
greater than the sum of my parts
To rest with answers, reassured,
in the protection of my own arms
Memories residing in my body
Once held down now broken free
Pull upwards to consciousness
To linger in a troubled reverie
Until that time of surrender
In a gentle act of letting go
To hear, “Peace be upon you”
And finally, “Welcome home”.
I have a knowing in my soul
Let me speak to it:
Intuiting each next choice
Is the best that we can do
Pulling reality out of the truth
Of our unthought known
Much of what we fear in one another
Reflects what we had once disowned
Shameful memories locked up in silence
Biding their time in a cavernous quiet
But therein the shadowy work lies:
In guiding us through the rusted doors
Forging a path into the sylvan darkness
And coming out into this gracious light
Where lies are disproven and changed
Reborn into wisdom and now finally free
What is the opposite of self-denial?
It is not tepid acceptance, but rather
A peaceful and confident self-giving
That comes to define us inside and out
Like a nursing mother, gentle and loving
Who begets life in each profound act
Of selfless nourishment for another
Who will learn and grow to do the same
Continuing this cycle of generativity
Until the final act of every creature ends
As our psyche does not perceive time
Its demands for healing will go unmet
Until the self finds a place of safety
In which to unravel each pain stored
Locked away until such a time as this
It is a precious, vulnerable thing
To behold our self-healing brains
And to allow their plasticity to lead
Toward long-held visions of health
That sustained us in the midst of death
Heaven runs a river through my heart
Winding steadily across this rocky terrain
Coldly alive and fiercely intent
To separate silt from precious gold,
My redemption hidden in the barren ground